Last October 4, we watched the movie The Story of Us to begin the teaching series for the LOJ-Couples Ministry (I am inviting all newlyweds and engaged couples to attend. Please text me at 09272816620 for details.).
I remember watching the same film years back. Although I found the movie enlightening and entertaining, I didn't appreciate it as much as I do now that I am married myself.
The Story of Us is about a married couple who have grown apart (as evidenced by the silences they shared as conversations because they would rather be silent than arguing) and is just waiting for the right time to break the news to their kids. In their struggle to find the answers to the why's and how's, both characters are often lost in thought and reminiscing -- to the 1st day they met at work, their children's birth, raising the kids, etc.
Being married for nine months now (how fast time really flies!), I found myself nodding in agreement to most of the scenes in the movie. But two scenes stand out in my memory:
Scene 1: Husband and wife in the bedroom, talking. With their respective (imaginary) parents on each side.
Scene 2: The kids are back from camp and it's time to tell them of the big change. And the wife tells the husband: "That's not why I'm saying Chow Funs. I'm saying Chow Funs because we're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy there are cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want another city, I like this city. I know what kind of mood you're in when you wake up, which eyebrow is higher, and you know I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly. That's a dance you perfect over time. And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad and you don't just give up! And it's not for the sake of the children, but God they're great kids aren't they? And we made them, I mean think about that! It's like there were no people there, and then there were people and they grew, and an an an...I won't be able to say to some stranger Josh has your hands or remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial. I'll try to relax, let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, I mean, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits, and I know I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so I can at least find the beach, which isn't a weakness of yours, it's a strength of mine. And God you're a good friend and good friends are hard to find. Charlotte said that in Charlotte's Web and I love how you read that to Erin and you take on the voice of Wilber the Pig with such dedication even when you're bone tired. That speaks volumes about character! And ultimately, isn't that what it comes down too? What a person is made of? That girl in the pin helmet is still here 'bee boo bee boo' I didn't even know she existed until you. And I'm afraid if you leave I may never see her again, even though I said at times you beat her out of me, isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, yin and yang. The best of times, the worst of times!... I think Dickens said it best, 'He could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean', but doesn't really doesn't really apply here does it? What I'm trying to say is, I'm saying Chow Funs because, I love you.
I have been married to my best friend for nine months already. We have a 12-year history of being best of friends. But still, more revelations unfold as we spend our lives together. The revelations result from the fact that Daddy and I are different (we were raised by different parents; we have different likes and dislikes) -- which is the message in scene 1.
For instance, when Daddy and I don't agree on something, I always end up retreating to my own quiet place and Daddy is the type who would prefer discussing it. Thankfully, having known each other for the past 12 years has enabled us to be sensitive, understanding and patient of each other. And our various personal experiences have made us mature enough to know that our relationship, just like any other relationship, entails work for it to succeed.
Marriage is a journey we vowed to take through thick and thin, in sickness and in health until death do us part. We had a history...and as each day unfolds, we are adding up more to that history. As we try to perfect our own dance, we simply hold onto our love and faith...believing in the knowledge that happily ever after doesn't begin fairytales, does it? On the contrary, happily ever after is the result of love, commitment and faith conquering the challenges.
May all married couples find their own happily ever after.
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