Had a fulfilling weekend. I made new friends, tried my hand in something new and got anointed for it.
As I have mentioned in my previous blogs, Daddylove and I are members of the
Light of Jesus Community. He is now active in the Training Ministry. Last weekend, their group hosted a Worship Workshop at Villa de Calamba. And since it has been a month since I last visited my mom, he decided to take me along with him. At first I thought that I will just be a curious observer at the sidelines. But later on, he said that he signed me up as a participant, too. Huh?! Wasn't he kidding?! Well, he wasn't! Much to my disappointment because I wanted to spend more time with my mom instead. I was hoping that I didn't have to be there with him the entire time so I can just stay in Los Baños.
By 6am Saturday morning, we were on our way to Calamba. Of course I knew that I'll be learning a lot in the workshop since I haven't experienced doing my own worship (yup, I am not as spiritually mature as my husband is. I am just new in community life and he has been an LOJC member for 9 years already.). Thus, the workshop gave me a lot of insights on how to prepare the exhortation, the songs, transitions, etc. And we had to actually make one and share it with our groupmates. Ha! I dread talking in front of a lot of people. Especially when I am talking about something that I am not an expert of. And most of all, worship required singing!!! Hmmm...can't I just dance?!? Well, at least there will only be 3 people in our group. And that's it.
But the big shock came when I was chosen to share my exhortation in front of the group. I wanted to cry! Of course I cannot say no to these people. They have taught me a lot that day. And as what one of the speakers said, being called to do something for Him is a privilege. Kapal naman ng mukha ko kung tatanggi pa ako, di ba?
So, with knees shaking and hands trembling, I shared my exhortation. And with God's grace, I found everybody listening to me, responding to my questions and the smiles on their faces said that they were with me. Wow, at least I forgot about my hands and knees for some time and was able to focus on the message that I had to deliver.
Saturday ended with an assignment for the participants. We were to finish putting songs and transitions into our worship. Thank God Daddylove was there to sing the songs for me. I was able to choose three that fit my theme and the tempo that I wanted to get. And I found solace in the fact that since I already shared my exhortation, I might not be the one chosen to share his/her entire worship for the following day.
Sunday came and we shared our worship to our groupmates again. A few minutes after, I found out that I was chosen again. Huh?! Did Daddylove set me up?! I guess not, he knows how much I fear singing in front of a crowd...what more with leading a group in worship. I haven't done it with just him as my audience. And I am certainly not ready to do it in front of a crowd. I really really wanted to cry then. But my seatmate prayed for me. I heard her praying for me. And thinking about it now, I know that it wasn't Daddylove who set me up that day. It was the Man to whom we were doing the workshop for. He was there the whole time with us. Front and center, nailed to the cross.
So with more trembling and shaking, with not knowing how to muster enough confidence so as to look credible in front of the crowd, I took my spot. And with Jesus nailed on the cross behind me, I did what I was called to do. Sometimes I got out of focus thinking what am I doing here? I feel stupid standing in front not knowing how to sing! I didn't memorize the songs! But again, with God's grace I saw that my message was getting to my audience. With the smiles on their faces, I felt that I can lead them to worship. They were there with me, worshiping God with all our hearts. And by the third song, albeit the last, I was able to muster enough confidence to put the microphone on my lips while I was singing. I've always prayed that I wanted to be a good servant to Him. But I didn't know how to be of service to the community. My fear always took over me. But in those few minutes, He showed me that I can overcome my fear. That with putting more of my heart and mind, I can have a deeper relationship with Him...I can continuously have a prayer time, a Scripture time and now, a worship time with Him.
On our way home, Daddylove told me something that he wanted to do with me -- be part of the Training Ministry. It will be another first for me. But I know that indeed, I have been called. Through Daddylove, He is now showing me how I can serve Him more.
Come to think about it...my song choices on that day perfectly fit my prayer now... Be it unto me, according to Your word, O God. I shall trade my sorrows, my pains, my fears so that I can joyfully profess that You are good, all the time!
